Last month I was able to attend the monthly ICAN meeting that was held here in Phoenix. I was excited because May’s topic was “Real Births after Cesarean”. The purpose was to bring to light the real stories of vbac coming from the women who experienced them. None of the hearsay birth stories would be included.
On Being Prepared
A few weeks ago I began questioning myself as to why I was preparing so much ahead of time for my vbac and taking the time to blog about it. I’m not pregnant, and I’m not 100% sure when I will be pregnant again. Why do all this without a due date in sight? After breaking down and talking to my husband about it, I was able to reconfirm my true intentions.
1st- When I do see those two pink lines confirming that I am pregnant, I don’t want to immediately feel dread thinking that I am going to relive my last birth experience. I don’t want there to be any feelings of negativity or fear in sight. I want to feel happy, happy to be pregnant and happy because I know this time will be better no matter what. Even if I end up truly needing a cesarean section it will be better. Even if I have to be in the hospital again it will be better. It will be better because I took the time to prepare myself. This doesn’t mean that my need to prepare will end once I am pregnant.
2nd- I want to get the word out on the high statistics of cesarean sections in the US, along with resources and support for those wishing to VBAC. I’ve been through one cesarean section and honestly I would love to help prevent an unnecessary one from happening to any woman out there. I know so many who have had unnecessary cesarean sections and I can’t help but want to warn others of this is a major issue. I have also found that a lot of pregnant women out there were a lot like me and didn’t know all their birthing options and rights. I didn’t know anything about the effects of certain medical interventions and unfortunately these tend to lead to cesarean sections. Knowlegde=power and can ultimately lead to a better birth experience.
3rd- Preparing yourself for a birth experience takes a good amount of time. Just as finding a new home, purchasing a car or any other big life change, there is a lot of planning involved. The birth of your child can be the most life changing event, thus it should require even more careful thought and research. This includes researching ones birth options, interviewing care providers and deciding on ultimately where one wants to birth. Eating well and exercising to promote good health should be practiced before becoming pregnant so your body is more physically prepared. Another essential part is working past the previous experiences and conquering those fears that could inhibit a woman from being successful in her future birth. Some might be able to do all this in 9 months time and that is wonderful. I’m the type that likes to have things planned out far in advance because it gives me more peace of mind.
For those of you who are pregnant or not yet pregnant and wanting a VBAC here is a great resource from VBAC Facts that can help you on your way.
From Behind the Blue Curtain
For some women who are still unsure of the medical events around their cesarean section, this might provide some help. While it doesn’t give all the information, it should state the reason for the c-section, a detailed description of the placenta, delivery of the child, and how the incision was closed.
Believe it or not, I enjoyed reading about my placentas. That might seem weird, but I didn’t have the chance to see what my girls were living off of for all those months. I also learned my girls APGAR scores for the first time, as I was never told in the hospital (or maybe I was told and was really drugged at the time). I read the specifics on the events that occurred right after their births, when they were cleaned, weighed and taken to the nursery. These were all things that my eyes never saw that day. The report also confirmed the type of incision I had along with the details of how my incision was closed. I was glad to read that my doctor used two layers of sutures to close my uterus instead of just one.
The other benefit of getting a copy for yourself, is that when you go to your health care provider for a future pregnancy, you know just as much as they know about your c-section (medically speaking).
Now I can also see how this might be hard for some who are still recovering from a traumatic experience with their c-section. Sometimes knowing all the details at the moment isn’t beneficial when the emotional pain is still very raw. It’s definitely a personal decision but something to think about for the future.
Sugar Coating
I went to the OB triage when I was 25 wks along because I was having contractions every 10 minutes and was afraid I could possibly be going into pre-term labor. After being monitored and given an IV they put me in a room. My nurse who was very kind by the way, was leaving as it was the end of her shift and the new Nurse came in and was introduced. Soon after she told me that they wanted to do a FFN test to see if I had a high chance of going into preterm labor. I agreed, as any patient would. The nurse held a long q-tip in her gloved hand and I figured it would just be a quick swab as she didn’t seem to make much of it. As I relaxed she began to shove the swab up into my cervix without any warning. It hurt more than any pap smear I had ever experienced. As most women could understand having something hard and dry shoved up there can be extremely painful. I immediately began to cry and tense up due to the pain and shock. The nurse continued and told me to relax. She said that if I didn’t relax that she would have to get the metal device to help get the swab through (which would have been a much better choice to begin with). I tried really hard to relax as I breathed through the pain. The nurse was completely unsympathetic and afterwards remarked, “You better get used to these because you’ll be getting a lot of them,” in a rude sneer. Fortunately I never had to have a FFN again as it came back negative and even better I could say goodbye to that horrid nurse. That was my first experience in a hospital. When I started getting consistant contractions again the next day, I was too afraid to even think of going back there, so I didn’t.
To be honest, there were many experiences during my stay at the hospital that were not what I had expected.
#1- After being admitted to the hospital for being in early labor I am not allowed to eat or drink anything. They don’t know whether I will for sure have the girls today but I can’t eat even though I haven’t eaten all day and I am a 38 wks along with twins. Really?
#2- Sleep is a joke in a hospital. 2 heart rate monitors for the girls and 1 for contractions were strapped to my stomach and hurt like heck. Because the girls kept moving the nurses kept coming in to readjust the monitors so I hardly got any sleep that night.
#3- I didn’t expect that there would be rock and roll music played while my children were being born. While it didn’t hugely bother me it at first, it made me feel more like a vehicle being worked on in a body shop then a woman having her babies in a hospital. Did they ask me if it was ok to play the radio right next to us during the c-section? No.
#4- Unlike the baby shows portray, when you have a c-section the Dr. doesn’t get all excited when they lift the baby out and proclaim “Oh it’s a ____” and hold it high so you can take the first peek. No, they pull them out and they go straight into a nurses arm and then into several others before you are ever able to hold them.
#5- I didn’t expect my anesthesiologist during my c-section to be such a jerk. When I was feeling like I was going to throw up during the surgery I tried to lift my oxygen mask and he angrily snapped it back on my face. Nice.
#6- I had never experienced an epidural/spinal, I didn’t realize how loopy and out of it I would be for the girls birth. When I first saw them, I didn’t feel overwhelmed with joy and emotion, I felt overwhelmed with hardcore drugs.
#7-When in recovery I was finally able to nurse one of my daughters. The nurse who was there or whoever she was told some medical student that she should stand there and observe me nursing. She did this without asking my permission. As a first time mom and as my first time nursing, I did not want some stranger staring at me, I wanted privacy.
#8- Also while in recovery I began to feel like I was going to “blow chunks” which is a common side effect of the spinal. When I began saying ” I’m going to throw up, I’m going to throw up” over and over again, I was ignored. After several minutes someone finally gave me a container to throw up in. It was like I was invisible.
#9- Brooke was taken to the NICU before I even had a chance to hold her. Once our room was ready they told me to stop nursing Brenna (who had only been nursing for a few minutes at the time and was in no way full) and so I had to take her off. She of course cried and I felt horrible and yet I didn’t understand why I couldn’t continue nursing her while being pushed to my room. It still doesn’t make sense to this day.
#10- On our way to my room we decided to go to the NICU so I could have a chance to see Brooke and hold her for the first time. She was covered in wires, and laid out in an isolette. It was so hard to see her that way. Even today it makes my heart hurt when I think about it too much. I finally got to hold her. I remember at that point that my Mom asked me to smile while she took a picture. The sad thing was that I couldn’t, I physically couldn’t. I was so drugged, I felt like crap and my daughter was in the NICU, how could I possibly smile?
#11- Due to the lack of sleep and food and the large amount of drugs in my system I am in no shape to care for my girls. When trying to hold Brooke in the NICU and feed her a bottle (as they reccomended), I began to fall asleep. This devastated me to no end.
#12- Most people talk about c-sections as if it’s almost like going in to get your hair done. Total routine procedure, everyone does it, no biggie right? Do they mention the side effects? No not really. They usually don’t mention the pain of trying to stand and walk for the first time, the spinal headaches that can occur, the inability to urinate afterwards which results in yet another catheter. These are just a few of the many challenges that comes with this major surgery.
Wow, I sound like a Negative Nelly. So what can I conclude with?
Am I grateful for a Doctor who could preform a successful c-section?
Yes, because in my circumstances it was what was safest for my babies.
Am I grateful that my daughters were born healthy in a hospital with a NICU?
Yes, although I can’t helpt but attribute Brooke’s breathing issues and trip to the NICU to the c-section.
Am I grateful for anything else that happened in the hospital?
Other than a few angel nurses, great lactation consultants and a wonderful Pediatrician, no. Just thinking about having another child in a hospital scares me.